(TW // Trauma) The aftermath of trauma: Anger and anger management strategies

(TW // Trauma) The aftermath of trauma: Anger and anger management strategies

The aftermath of trauma: Anger and anger management strategies

Today will be a continuation of the previous blog about the symptoms of trauma and how to deal with them. We will explore the anger that can come as a byproduct of trauma and how it can be managed. 

If such feelings of anger are unbearable, to the point of being uncontrollably destructive, and hinder day-to-day life, it is necessary to seek professional help. 

Now we will dive into post-trauma anger and ways to deal with it in a healthy manner. 

Post-trauma Anger

After a traumatic experience, anger is one of the most frequent feelings to be met with. If we experience an event that makes it feel as if life is falling apart, strong emotions like anger are undoubtedly reasonable.

Then, who is this anger targeted toward? Recognizing this is an extremely important step.

It could be a specific individual or multiple people who hurt us that we are angry with. Alternatively, you might feel anger simply because the event happened to you, especially when others have not experienced what you did.

Alternatively, you could be mad at the world itself or your current life. The anger could also be aimed at family or people who are trying to help you. Perhaps you are angry with someone subconsciously but do not quite know who it is.

Those who lost family or friends to disasters could feel deep guilt and sorrow due to unkept promises or the inability to save their loved ones. In these cases, anger is often inevitable.

Know that any of these reasons for anger are valid. 

We absolutely have the right to feel such emotions. Then, what to do with those emotions becomes the challenge. Also, the most important thing in dealing with those emotions is “How can we move towards learning and growth rather than using it in a destructive way.”

If used as a method, anger is not inherently bad or wrong. It allows us to realize that we are in pain. Furthermore, it helps us discern what parts of us need healing. 

At times, anger can help us be more honest with others. However, when anger is used in a destructive way, we permanently wound ourselves and others, which can become fatal. ​

Perhaps anger represents being overwhelmed by suffering and being unable to do anything. 

Distinguishing between destructive anger and healthy anger involves recognizing the intensity of the emotion. Healthy anger usually has moderate intensity and can thus be used to better understand something or act in a positive way.  

On the other hand, as destructive anger is comparably more intense and occurs inherently, it is often expressed in dangerous or destructive ways. 

Ways to relieve anger: Part 1

For a while, many studies have shown that when anger builds up inside us, we can release it in aggressive ways by using punching bags, pillows, etc.

However, according to counter-studies, such violent actions bring us temporary feelings of release but cause an increase in anger in the long term. This is because anger and aggressiveness are correlated, so our brains tend to encourage one of those behaviors when the other is triggered. 

What is clear is that our anger can be relieved without triggering aggressive emotions through setting strategies that allow us to healthily relieve the energy from our anger. 

Below are such methods:

  1. Take a deep breath. As you exhale, imagine the anger leaving your body. As you inhale, tell yourself, “Peace is coming in,” and as you exhale, “Anger is leaving.”
  2. As you imagine the anger leaving your body, shake your body and limbs. 
  3. Try exercising. Any form of exercise is good. Find a form that you like (e.g., yoga, walking, running, etc.)
  4. Dance as you listen to music that you like.

​Ways to relieve anger: Part 2

The second method of relieving anger is writing a letter to the person who is making you feel these emotions. This individual could be someone who hurt you, the world, or an omnipotent God. If the origin of your anger is yourself, you can write a letter to yourself as well. 

You may be tempted to fill the letter with hateful words or profanity. However, this approach tends to foster destructive forms of anger. ​

Instead, try to describe honestly and clearly why you are angry, using as few aggressive expressions as possible. If you feel other emotions besides anger, write about them as well. If you think of a hurt feeling, explain in detail what part of it hurt you.

And try to talk to that feeling

Tablk about whether you could potentially forgive them…

If you’re not quite ready for that… that is okay too.

Write about how your relationship with that person will change going forward.

The above methods of relieving anger are known to be the most effective, so hopefully you can try them out sometime, if you need them. 

What must be remembered is that the people who hurt you are the people who are hurting.

After writing the letter, symbolically getting rid of it is a good idea too. 

For instance, you could tear it apart, burn it, or crumple it up into a ball.

After getting rid of the letter, spend some time alone with calm music, a prayer, a candlelight ceremony, or a cup of warm tea.

I sincerely hope that you all find inner peace and warmth.

If any of you are experiencing anger that is being expressed in an intense or destructive way or are suffering from such emotions, it may be time to seek professional help. The healing process involves discovering the source of the anger and fully facing the emotion.

Light In-U helps you safely express those intense emotions and guides you in the direction of healing and growth.

We will be with you to heal your trauma with sincere support and empathy.

As an English- and Korean-speaking center, we embrace diverse cultures, including all ages and races, sexual minorities, and vulnerable groups of any age.

If you would like to make an appointment, you can do so through Naver Reservation or the consultation application form on our website. After confirming the reservation, we will guide you through the next steps. If you have any other inquiries, please contact us on Naver Talk, email us (contact@lightinu.co.kr), or call us. 

If we are in a counseling session at the time of your call, we may not be able to answer, so please leave a text message (010 2464 5979) and we will contact you. Thank you.